Today I reconnected with a friend from high school. It’s been over fifteen years since I’ve seen or heard from this person. But through the magic of the internet they found me and made contact. I was happy to hear from them, as I always am when folks from my past contact me. Well, OK there might be a small handful of nuts that I would rather not ever see or hear from again.

In any case, it still amazes me how easily folks can reconnect via the net. But, it also brings up things I’d long forgotten, or at least pretended to forget.

Which led me to a realization.

All the people who I thought hated me in back high school didn’t hate me. In fact they probably liked me well enough.

Unfortunately for me and for them, I was sheltering myself, hiding myself in fat and humor and sarcasm armor, plate mail and full body chain mail.

I pushed people away. I avoided real social contact and I made my life in High School hell, not them.

This awakening is a huge step for me.

What it means is that I’m not only losing weight physically, but also mentally. It means as my body heals from years of abuse, my mind is also healing from a different kind of abuse. Both self-inflicted and preventable.

Two years ago if you’d asked if I loved me, I would have said “Why? No one else does, so why should I?” Because that is what I believed. Sad, heart-breaking even.

But.

If you asked me the same question today, I’d be able to honestly answer with a resounding and pride covered “YES!”

I do love myself, and now I can love others the way they deserve. No more pushing folks away and no more feeling sorry for myself because no one likes me.

Because facts are, I’m likable, and you know it

Come on, give me a hug you big lug.